(And What It Taught Me About Caring)

I used to think being strong meant not crying. But one day, I opened a freezer door and everything changed.

I never expected to cry in the freezer aisle at the grocery store.

Have you ever been blindsided by grief in the most ordinary place?

I was so shocked, surprised and taken off guard.

Just the day before, we were all sitting in his room visiting, sharing and reminiscing…tough times and good times. 

Mary’s cry out made it even harder to hold back the tears.  

“What, what do you mean? I was just there last night. I didn’t say goodbye, I should have said goodbye, I would have been over this morning if I had known.”  

That morning, before breakfast, Mark had been singing and dancing with Maira. You see, Mark had been with us for eight months.  He had a flair about him, a natural way of connecting and making any situation fun and light-hearted.  

Karaoke, his activity of choice and his favorite song was a popular event.

“Thank God and Greyhound You’re Gone”, by Roy Clark.  I’d never heard it before.  Have you? 

It goes a little something like this. 

“Thank God and Greyhound you’re gone, I didn’t know how much longer I could go on. 

Watching you take the respect out of me. 

Watching you make a total wreck out of me. 

That big diesel motor is a playing my song…Thank God and Greyhound you’re gone.  

The beat is rather catchy and fun.  

This from a man who had been happily married over 30 years. The funnier part is that he was the only man in the house, the rest are women.  

Oh and the dancing too, he loved to dance, he would take on any partner. 

And this morning, he moved on, he made that decision and transitioned on to the next world rather suddenly, I mean we knew it was coming, but didn’t expect it that quickly.  

This all goes back to the person I was before I chose to be the owner of a quaint seven-bed assisted living home.  People in the nursing homes I worked in passed on all the time. Crying was not one of my responses.  

A little prayer, a little thank you for taking their suffering away, a little, I feel for their family, that happened too soon, but no tears.

However, moments like this are part of the caregiving journey that people rarely talk about.

If reflections like this resonate with you, I share more stories, insights, and guidance for families navigating caregiving and dementia through the HolistiCare monthly newsletter. Subscribe Here.

So what do I do with moments like this?

I connect deeper.

I understand more deeply the connection between what being a care partner creates within, it’s a special bond, especially when you take it seriously and to heart, are passionate about it, about them, about you and your role. 

Those emotions are real. They matter. They help us heal.

Today, I would like you to take a moment, feel your emotions, understand the response, harness the power it can give you.  Emotions are powerful, especially when we channel them and use them wisely.

Caring for someone you love can bring powerful moments of connection, but it can also raise questions about what comes next.

Families need tools to think through practical decisions that often come with this stage of life and bring more clarity to the path ahead. Our Care Readiness Checklist is just for that – You can download your checklist here.

Your partner in care,
Shelley