(And What Most People Do Wrong)
Mom had an appointment.
I came over early to help her get ready, because getting ready is a thing now. It takes forever. She can’t stay on task.
That morning, though, things were actually going well. She was dressed. Shoes on. Purse ready. All that was left was brushing her teeth.
“Okay mom, you brush your teeth. I’ll go start the car.”
When I came back inside, she wasn’t brushing her teeth.
Instead, she was undressing.
The shower was on.
I reacted instinctively.
I yelled.
And immediately, I knew that was the wrong move.
In that moment, I felt terrible and frustrated. But more importantly, I realized something many care partners experience.
How to reset the moment, regulate distress, and partner differently when plans unravel:
1. Pause
Take three slow breaths in through your nose and out through pursed lips. Count to ten before responding.
2. Use a reset
“Ooh mom, I see you’re getting ready for a shower. Let’s brush your teeth first.” Help step by step.
3. Change the environment
Moving rooms can create a mental reset and reduce confusion.
4. Make space for your grief
Things are not how they used to be. That loss affects you too.
Prepared, Not Panicked doesn’t mean fewer hard moments.
It means fewer moments that spiral.
P.S.
Needing tools doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It means you’re paying attention.
Moments like this are exhausting, especially for the person who always feels responsible for holding everything together. Our blog “Being the Strong One Is Exhausting—Here’s What Actually Helps” shares practical ways care partners can support themselves while continuing to care for someone they love.
Helping families find resources that allow their loved ones to continue living well is deeply important to me. I believe knowledge truly is power. If you’re looking for more support and practical guidance, I’d love to invite you to join the free Essentials level of our Care Partner Membership, where you’ll find tools, encouragement, and resources for this journey.
Your partner in care,
Shelley
