I was standing there, trying to take a selfie. You know the kind. Adjust the angle. Fix the hair. Try not to look like you’ve been awake since 4:00 a.m. And somewhere in the middle of all that, it hit me. I was actually enjoying this. Not the selfie. The moment. And the funny thing is, I almost missed it. It got me thinking about how easily we overlook opportunities for meaningful moments with aging parents and the older adults in our care. Sometimes we’re so focused on everything that needs to get done that we almost miss the things that make life enjoyable.
Another Thing on the Calendar
She had just arrived carrying a large bag. Not rolled in. Carried.
Once she was inside, she pulled up the handle and rolled it down the hallway toward the four-season room. It’s light and airy there. Cozy. A good place to gather. As she unpacked her tools and started setting everything up, we were interrupted by the septic company. Because of course we were.
Another thing I didn’t particularly want to deal with that day. Another reminder alarm I was glad I’d actually set, and another reminder that tools exist for a reason.
Tools are only useful if you use them.
I forget that more often than I’d like to admit. I rely on calendars, alarms, notes, and reminders because my brain cannot be trusted to hold everything anymore.
More than once, I’ve missed appointments simply because I forgot to look at the calendar that was specifically designed to help me not forget. Tell me I’m not the only one who does this.
This time, though, I used the tool. I knew I had something scheduled. Couldn’t remember what. So I checked. Cue the sigh.
A facial. Mostly a makeup event.
For those of you who know me, you know this isn’t exactly my comfort zone. I don’t wear much makeup, and sitting down to have someone fuss over my face isn’t typically at the top of my to-do list. But I’d agreed to it because it mattered to the person offering it.
So I decided to show up with an open mind and relatively low expectations. Then my alarm went off. I looked at my phone and thought, Who is that?
Oh. Right. That call I needed to make. Tools working as intended.
Now, where was I? Oh yes. The facial.
Something I Almost Skipped Turned Into Something More
Here’s what surprised me. I had fun.
Not the polite kind of fun where you smile, say thank you, and mentally check the next thing off your list.
I mean I actually enjoyed myself. I slowed down and let someone else take care of something for a change. I laughed and I paid attention to what was happening instead of what still needed to be done. And somewhere in that experience, I started thinking about our residents.
What would they think of something like this? Would they enjoy a little pampering? The attention? The opportunity to sit together and do something that wasn’t part of the usual daily routine?
So I offered it to them. Four said yes, and I’m so glad they did.
It Was Never Really About the Makeup
As the experience unfolded, I started noticing little things. The way the women sat a little taller, the smiles, and the way they relaxed into the moment.
One woman talked about how she used to get ready for special events. Another remembered a time when feeling put together meant something different. Something joyful. And I found myself thinking about how much of a person’s identity can get tucked away as they age.
We spend so much time focusing on the things someone can no longer manage independently. Getting dressed. Taking medications. Getting to appointments. Remembering things. Staying safe. All important, of course.
But what about the things they still enjoy? What about the woman who used to love getting ready for a night out? The woman who had a favorite lipstick, always made sure her hair looked just right, or loved sitting around with other women sharing stories?
Those parts of her don’t simply disappear because she’s older or needs more help.
She’s still there. And sometimes it takes something as simple as a little pampering to bring that part of her into the room again.
It wasn’t about makeup. It was about being seen. It was about dignity. It was about connection. And it reminded me that meaningful care isn’t always something we can measure on a checklist.
Sometimes, creating meaningful moments with aging parents is as simple as remembering who they were before they needed our help and making room for the things they still enjoy.
What If Your Next Visit With Mom or Dad Could Feel Different?
Sometimes, connecting with an aging parent isn’t as simple as sitting down and enjoying each other’s company.
Maybe Mom is upset. Maybe Dad keeps asking the same question. Or maybe every visit seems to turn into a conversation you weren’t prepared to have. But even a visit that starts off difficult can turn into something meaningful.
In my blog, “The One Shift That Can Turn a Painful Visit Into a Meaningful One,” I share a simple change in how we respond that can help move a difficult moment away from correcting and explaining—and back toward connection.
Because sometimes, the most important part of a visit isn’t what you accomplish. It’s how you make each other feel.
READ: THE ONE SHIFT THAT CAN TURN A PAINFUL VISIT INTO A MEANINGFUL ONE
We Get So Busy Taking Care of Everything That We Forget to Enjoy Anything
I think this happens to families, too. Especially adult children who have taken on the role of care partner. There’s always something that needs attention.
Another appointment to schedule. Another prescription to refill. Another bill to sort through. Another phone call to make. And before you know it, spending time with Mom or Dad starts to feel like managing a never-ending list of responsibilities.
You arrive with a mental checklist. Did she eat? Did she take her medication? Does she need groceries? What’s happening with that doctor’s appointment?
You handle what needs to be handled. And then you leave. But somewhere in all of that, you may have missed the opportunity to simply enjoy being together.
The opportunity for meaningful moments with aging parents doesn’t disappear when life gets busy. Sometimes we just have to be intentional about making space for them. Not because you don’t care. Quite the opposite.
You’ve been so busy making sure everything is taken care of that there’s hardly any room left for connection. I wonder what would happen if, once in a while, we gave ourselves permission to set the checklist aside for a few minutes.
To sit down and look through an old photo album or ask about a favorite memory. To paint someone’s nails, listen to music, or share a cup of coffee without trying to accomplish anything.
Not because it’s another thing we’re supposed to do, but because sometimes those ordinary moments are the ones we remember.
Meaningful Moments With Aging Parents Don’t Have to Be Complicated
Here’s something I want families and care partners to remember. The little things we almost skip because they feel inconvenient, unnecessary, or extra are often the very things that help someone feel like themselves again. And that includes us.
The reminder alarms and pauses. The moments we say yes to even when they aren’t really our thing. They’re not always distractions from meaningful care.
Sometimes they are meaningful care.
Of course, we still need systems. We still need schedules. We need to manage medications correctly, keep appointments, and organize important information. I certainly need my reminders. We’ve established that.
But the purpose of all those tools isn’t simply to get more things done. And sometimes, that breathing room is exactly what allows us to create meaningful moments with aging parents instead of spending every minute managing their needs.
It’s to create enough breathing room for the things that matter because if our entire day becomes nothing but tasks, we can lose sight of why we’re doing them in the first place.
What If You Had More Time to Just Be Their Daughter or Son?
When you’re caring for an aging parent, it’s easy for every visit, phone call, and conversation to become about something that needs to get done.
Medications. Appointments. Important paperwork. Questions you need answered. Things you can’t afford to forget. And before you know it, you’re spending so much time managing everything that there’s hardly any room left to simply enjoy being together.
That’s one of the reasons I created the Grab & Go Starter System.
It gives you a practical way to start organizing important care information, keep track of what matters, and take some of those responsibilities out of your head and put them into a system you can actually use.
Because the goal isn’t just to get more organized. It’s to make a little more room for the moments that matter.
EXPLORE THE GRAB & GO STARTER SYSTEM
What Might You Be Overlooking?
I don’t think we need to turn every interaction with an aging parent into a special event and I’m certainly not suggesting you add another complicated activity to an already overwhelming schedule.
That’s the last thing most care partners need. But I do think it’s worth asking ourselves a question.
What’s one small thing that might bring a little joy into Mom or Dad’s day?
Maybe it’s playing a favorite song, maybe it’s helping Mom put on the earrings she always loved wearing, maybe it’s sitting outside together for ten minutes instead of rushing through the next chore, or maybe it’s asking Dad about something he used to love doing and giving him the chance to tell that story one more time.
It doesn’t have to be elaborate, it doesn’t have to cost anything, and it certainly doesn’t have to be perfect.
In fact, some of the most meaningful moments with aging parents happen during the simplest activities, when there’s no pressure to accomplish anything at all. Sometimes the best moments are the ones that weren’t really planned at all. You just have to leave a little room for them.
Sometimes the Moment Is the Whole Point
When I think back on that day, I don’t remember it because of the makeup. I remember the laughter, the conversations, the way our residents seemed to enjoy being part of something that was just for them.
And I remember how easily I could have dismissed the whole thing as one more activity I didn’t have time for. I almost missed it because I was busy. Because it wasn’t really my thing and because I had a hundred other things on my to-do list. Sound familiar?
If you’re walking this journey as a care partner and wondering how to stay connected when so much feels heavy, I want you to know something. Connection doesn’t always come from big plans or perfect systems. Often, it shows up in small, human moments you didn’t see coming. And that’s what I hope families remember about meaningful moments with aging parents. You don’t have to create something extraordinary. Sometimes you just have to slow down long enough to enjoy what’s already right in front of you.
So use the calendar. Set the alarm. Write yourself the reminder.
But when the opportunity comes along to pause, laugh, reminisce, or simply enjoy being with someone you love, try not to let the to-do list talk you out of it.
Because sometimes the small thing you almost skipped turns out to be the thing that mattered most.
And a huge thank you to Joan Garber, Independent Mary Kay Consultant, for creating this opportunity for our residents to enjoy a little pampering, connection, and reflection.
A Little More Support for the Journey With Mom or Dad
If you’re navigating life with an aging parent, you probably already know that no two days look quite the same. Some days are filled with questions and decisions. Others bring unexpected challenges. And every once in a while, there’s a moment that reminds you why the little things matter so much.
That’s why I created the Save Our Sanity Society newsletter.
Each month, I share real-life stories, practical guidance, expert insights, and resources to help you feel more prepared, more supported, and a little less alone as you navigate this season of life. And you can choose how you’d like to receive it.
Prefer to read it on your phone or computer? Get the free digital newsletter delivered directly to your inbox.
GET THE FREE DIGITAL NEWSLETTER
Would you rather have a printed copy? We’ll mail the newsletter directly to your home so you can read it at your own pace, keep it for reference, or share it with someone who might need it.
SEND ME THE FREE PRINTED NEWSLETTER
Both versions are free. Just choose the one that works best for you.
Your partner in care,
Shelley
